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It’s Your Choice! July 17, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, recommended reading, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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What’s your point of view today?

Are you struggling to overcome past hurts and regrets?

Or are you joyfully learning to walk in Newness of Life in Christ?

Your point of view means everything!

If you believe you must change your behavior … or your mate’s behavior … in order to enjoy Life and Love, you’ve got it all wrong!

We are not called to live with a focus on what anyone has done in the past. But that’s what we often do! We spin our wheels trying to make up for our sin … or the sins of others. Or getting someone else to make up for it all. How crazy is that?

The Truth is – because of what Jesus did for us on the Cross … He died for our sins that we might be reconclied to God – we get to choose our point of view …

… and that’s Good News!

We get to choose Life in the Spirit, which means we get to learn how to see Men, Women, and Marriage from God’s point of view. Through the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the choice to co-create a Life that’s Better Than Eden!

How cool is that?

Bottom Line: Living Life in the Spirit means our point of view changes from past-centered to Jesus-centered.

And He always has a more excellent way of looking at things!

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

~ Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

Read more about the Psychology of Men and Romance in my newest book!

Why won’t he listen to me? March 5, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Men and women use language differently, in part because they have different life experiences and different goals in life.

In this Women’s Workshop, you will learn some of the most common mistakes women make when they try to communicate with the men they love … and more effective ways to get your point across.

language_of_men

Saturday, March 22
12:00-3:00 pm

Orange Coast Psych Assoc
27401 Los Altos, Suite 275
Mission Viejo, CA
$20/person payable at the door

R.S.V.P. mail@drdebismith.com or 800.705.6223

Mad About Men? March 3, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, Events, understanding men.
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audio_dr_debiIf the Men in Your Life …

… make you mad – whether it’s the angry, crazy, or happy kind – listen in on this lively and informative workshop for women!

Listen to “Mad About Men: Part 1″
by Dr. Debi Smith
Recorded on Saturday, March 1, 2014

Happy Hearts Day! February 14, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, understanding men.
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A personal serenade from Brandon and Friends. This is just one of many reasons I love men! Thanks, guys! You’re the best!

The Man February 8, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in recommended reading, understanding men.
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It is my pleasure to share this guest post by Bro Shelby Stokes.

The_RelationshipThe Man:

When I, first, looked at this photo my insides leaped up in JOY! Not because of the sheer awesome nature of the photo; although the photo is sheerly awesome, yet it was due to the fact that I knew this photo would be the “visual catalyst” to our (the Men and Women) ushering in the much needed, much anticipated, much talked about, REVOLUTION: concerning our Relationships. And, of course, all of this MUST BEGIN with our relationship with God (as the Head of our lives). Today, “How God INSTRUCTS the Man”.

My beloved Brothers, please, STAND UP and walk with me for a while…..

[read full post here]

How to Change a Man January 25, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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change_a_manThe real, scientific definition of reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood that a target behavior will occur again.

In our case, the target behavior is anything that he does that makes us feel loved, cared for, and respected.

And reinforcement can be positive or negative. So at least in theory, both types of reinforcement increase the likelihood that the target behavior will occur again.

Negative reinforcement means that something unpleasant is taken away. For example, whenever you take an aspirin (target behavior) to deal with a headache, your headache will go away (negative reinforcement). Therefore, the next time a headache hits, it’s more likely that you’ll take an aspirin again … because doing so the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. Or your man finally takes out the trash (target behavior), and your constant nagging goes away (negative reinforcement). So – at least in theory – the next time you start nagging, it’s more likely he’ll take out the trash because the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. But, that last example backfires sometimes, doesn’t it? He may just learn to tune you out, which also ends the nagging … and your relationship as you would like it to be.

I don’t know about you, but headaches and nagging are not what I would want my man to have fresh on his mind whenever he thinks of me!

Reinforcement can also be positive in that something can be added, such as your “thank you” or your smile. He does something nice. You smile and say, “Thank you.” Through positive reinforcement, you just increased the likelihood that he’ll do something nice again.

So he does something nice yet again. So you smile and say, “Thank you.” Now we’ve really got something good going!

In reality, that’s the way it was in the beginning of your relationship. But most of us stop saying “Thank you” and begin to expect – rather than hope for and appreciate – good things from our guys.

Yes, it really is that easy to change a man … for the better. But it took me years – and the advice of one great guy – to be able to put two and two together. I am a blonde, after all. If I’d only paid attention sooner I could have figured it out way back when I was completing all those undergraduate studies. And I could have skipped grad school altogether …

This material is protected by Copyright. Excerpt from HOME IMPROVEMENT, Dance With Me © Dr. Debi Smith
Download now!

In real life, that’s where I come in … January 15, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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helping_the_boyI get razzed a lot for my tendency to quote lines from romantic movies.

Don’t we all love the “meet cute” at the beginning of a movie? It reminds us of the excitement, hope, and joy that we experience at the beginning of a relationship.

Next, the boy wins the girl … or at least gets her attention.

Then he screws something up … or at least she THINKS he did.

And the rest is about getting her back.

In real life, that’s where I come in …

Woman was created for Man? January 14, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.~ 1 Corinthians 11:8-9


dr_debi_smith_workshopsSo … like, if God really created woman for man …

… and if what we’re doing for him isn’t working
… then shouldn’t we be spending a lot more time figuring out what we’re SUPPOSED to be doing for him?

Join us for this lively and Interactive Workshop designed to get you thinking about how we are created differently as Male and Female … and God’s Design for Marriage.

You’ll leave with Insight into why a man does what he does
… and a whole Basketful of Tips to enhance your Romance
… no matter where you are in the process!

Saturday, February 1
12:30 – 3:30 pm
$20/person

Free Quizzes for Couples January 8, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, free quizzes, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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How are things going? The following free quizzes can be helpful in evaluating the current state of your relationship. They are provided for informational purposes only, and are not intended to replace professional assessment. If you are experiencing distress, please contact your local mental health professional.


How well are you doing as a couple?This quiz, based on findings of marital research, can help you get an idea of how well you are doing in some vital areas of your relationship. After you submit your answers, your quiz results will be instantly emailed to you.

Click here to access the “Couples Quiz.”


Love & Respect Quiz

This quiz is adapted from J. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Click here to access the “Love and Respect Quiz.”


Contact Info:

Dr. Debi Smith
Phone: 800.705.6223
Email: mail@drdebismith.com
Website: www.DrDebiSmith.com

Always Learning December 27, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, research, understanding men.
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I love to listen to men because they always have something of value to say … especially older men. Here’s a recent gem:

Your man doesn’t tell you what he needs from you when he’s struggling with something because:
(a) he’s flooded (emotionally)
(b) he doesn’t know what he needs from you
(c) all of the above

Dr. Debi SmithJoin the discussion, guys. I’m looking for A Few Good Men who are willing to be interviewed (by me) for a very Important Research Project about The Psychology of Christian Men. If you’re interested in learning more, let me know via mail@drdebismith.com

Talk to you soon!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi

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