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Texting March 20, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Q & A.
Tags: ,

Lauren’s Question: I think this guy is interested in me. Why does he text me a million times a day but hasn’t picked up the phone in weeks to call me and set up a day to hang out?

Dr. Smith’s Answer: Men’s behavior can be really confusing, especially to women. The temptation might be to “get on with it already” and make the next move yourself by calling him up and setting up a day to hang out.

When I ask my students if they think it’s okay for a woman to ask a man out, most of them say “yes.” However, change the question slightly, and you might get a very different answer. Would you like it if a woman asked you out? The water’s a little muddier now.

Most traditional men want to know in advance what the answer will be when they ask a woman to spend time with them. That seems to hold true for questions ranging from “Wanna hangout tonight?” to “Will you marry me?” No man likes rejection. But most men still want to be the one to ask the question.

Is he interested? Maybe he is. Maybe he gives a different meaning to his texting. Maybe he hasn’t made up his mind yet. Maybe he’s unsure of your answer. Maybe he’s shy.

One thing you can be sure of: If he really wants to hang out with you, he will let you know.

But he might suggest it via a text message instead of a phone call.
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1. Brandon Youngblood - April 13, 2009

The simple answer: Most men don’t like to talk on the phone. If a guy is texting you often… he is likely interested.

The Complex answer: emotions are not easy for men; communicating verbally (where he does not have time to think about his response in detail) can be overwhelming. It does not always have to be about shyness (though it could be); I know for myself, I have alot going on throughout my day and texting enables me to be in constant contact with someone without interrupting my daily routine. Waiting for him to make a move to hang out can be frustrating, but as Dr. Smith said, men fear rejection. To take it a step further, they will do absolutely anything to avoid it. Men are like lawyers; a lawyer never asks a question he doesn’t know the answer too.

Ladies, text him to begin the conversation every once in a while or initiate conversation in other forms (facebook, email, notes on doors, etc). Keep yourself guarded if you must, but know that the majority of men will not initiate true intimate situations (and a date is intimate to us) unless they feel that you have given him adequate reason to comprehend your interest in him.

Granted, we men should learn to step up to the plate a bit more; but it is a give and take–the “crisis of connection” between man and women is rooted in a very deep, salient “code of masculinity” that governs a mans emotions. Keep that in mind when wondering how he feels about ya 🙂

occhristiancounseling - April 13, 2009

Thanks, Brandon!

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