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Don’t Miss It! April 27, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith.
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Whatever your relationship status, our mission is to help you figure out and enjoy the men in your life. Join us in this live, interactive workshop conducted over the phone.

Understanding the Men in Your Life with Dr. Debi Smith
*FREE Tele-Conference:
Friday, May 1 @ 12:00 – 1:00 (PDT)

What is a Tele-Conference? Just think of it as a chat line on the phone.

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To make the call personally meaningful to you,
you will have the opportunity ask your questions in advance!

Once you register, you will receive an email with the telephone number and access code.

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The Rest of the Story April 23, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith.
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Have you ever let your anger get the best of you? Debra Barone (of the TV series “Everybody Loves Raymond”) is forever frustrated with her husband, Ray. And it’s no wonder. He’s forever doing dumb stuff. Even so, she’s not very supportive. She not only criticizes him (like his mother does), she also puts him down constantly. In the field of marriage research, that’s our next and last communication problem. [Get the Rest of the Story in Dr. Smith’s free eCourse now!]

Football and Steak and Shooting Stuff April 20, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Stories.
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by Tyler

I’m just going to start writing and see what happens.

My name is Tyler, and I am the youngest of three boys. We are each incredibly different and would belong in very few of the boxes that have been made for men to hang out in.

My oldest brother, Andy is a sensitive, careful artist who thrives in conversation and meaning and spends his time reading, playing old video games, listening to good music, and writing. My middle brother, Kevin, is one of the most capable achievers I have ever met. He is incredibly smart, a terrible student, a great learner, businessman, friend, athlete, and brother. Then there’s me. God knows what I am, and probably no one else, but I am slowly learning.

My parents have been married for a really long time and they still love each other. I was born into advantage. My parents have earned the respect of all of us boys. I have the example of a healthy relationship, and more specifically, a healthy male role model.

Needless to say, I have [read more]

Why Does He Just Sit There? April 18, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Q & A, stonewalling.
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1 comment so far

Sue’s Question: My boyfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately. He just doesn’t get it. Nothing gets resolved, and I am so frustrated with him! Now when I try to bring the issue up, he just ignores me. I can’t get him to talk at all! Why does he just sit there?

Dr. Smith’s Answer: The answer is both simple and confusing in that, despite popular male opinion, men are actually much more complicated than they seem. Most of us (men included) have been terribly misinformed! In reality, men are more emotionally sensitive than women. They will do anything and everything they can to avoid conflict with the women they love. Their fight-or-flight response kicks into high gear at the very onset of a disagreement, and because they don’t want to fight, they take flight (withdraw). Women also don’t realize that men experience the very same emotions that women do, but express them differently. Men don’t just don’t have the words to express how they are feeling, so most of their emotional expression comes out as indifference or anger, two extremes.

It doesn’t have to be like that. Both men and women need a better understanding of the male emotional experience. Click here to learn more.

Men Are Different April 16, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Stories.
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by Christen

I guess I knew they were always different! Or did I?

This is probably what really peaked my interest in the psychology of men. I have numerous personal stories in my life experiences that have helped to foster this interest. As far back as I can remember I have always been fascinated by boys. I think I liked a new boy each year as I was growing up! I guess I always thought that boys had the same needs, emotions and thoughts as I did. Come to find out this is not the case at all! [read more]

Unable to Commit April 6, 2009

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Q & A.
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3 comments

mothers_sons-bookSis’s Question: I have a male friend that I’ve been seeing for 3 years, it will be 4 years end 2009. He has a pattern of engaging in relationships with educated, spiritual, professional, very attractive women who he says he loved, but finds himself unable to commit, and generally interacting with other women at the same time. The question is why do some men seek consistent attention from other women when they have a great woman, and a great relationship with someone they love? Why are some men unable to commit their heart and emotions to one woman? His mother committed suicide when he was young adult, but he grew up with both parents. He believes his Mom did this because of the hurt she caused his dad for infidelity. What part could this play on his inability to trust himself to love and be committed?

Dr. Smith’s Answer: We all have difficulty trusting after we’ve experienced a significant hurt. But because men are more emotionally and socially sensitive than women are from birth, it may be especially difficult for them to regain trust. Men are especially vulnerable when it comes to their relationships with women, starting with their mothers.

Nevertheless, men naturally want (and need) to be close to a woman. If this desire is coupled with an intense fear of being hurt, they will pull away before a woman becomes too important to him. If she matters too much to him, she then has the power to hurt him. So he moves on to avoid the pain of being hurt again. This in itself puts men in the very difficult and potentially painful position of (a) wanting to love and be loved and (b) fearing it intensely.

For more information about how a man’s relationship is impacted by his relationship with his mother, you may want to read my book about Mothers & Sons … and/or Mothers, Sons, and Lovers: How a Man’s Relationship with His Mother Affects the Rest of His Life and Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love.