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What Do Men Need? January 16, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, Events, sexuality, understanding men.
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by Dr. Debi Smith

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. ~ Proverbs 18:22

Men always say they are simple, and I always argue that they’re not. What makes men complicated – at least in part – is that they never ask for what they need. Well, almost never.

Most men assume that women know what they need and are disappointed when we don’t respond well to them. They forget we think like a girl.

Women assume that men think like women and need the same things as women. We do have similar needs, but there are some very important differences. And men think like boys. They always will.

The first thing a man needs from a woman is affection. And if he’s married, he needs sex. Sex and physical affection tell a man that he is loved and wanted in ways that words could never express.

Women believe men only want “one thing.” However, one of the most common complaints I hear from men is that “she never touches me anymore.” They’re not talking about sex. They’re talking about touch. Incidental non-sexual touch. It’s a sign of affection, and we all need it. But men don’t get that sort of affection from women because women often misunderstand how much it means to them … and that it’s not all about sex for men. It’s about love.

Now please forgive me as I use words to express how words are not enough in the words of song writers Nuno Bettancourt and Gary Cherone:

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
‘Cause I’d already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now that I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don’t ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
‘Cause I’d already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn’t make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you the second thing men need from women …

Would you like to know more about the Psychology of Men?

Join me live this Saturday for Frogs & Princes: Understanding the Psychology of Men. If you have specific questions, email me now.

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