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The Bottom Line June 2, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Events, understanding men, understanding women.

Over the past few days, I’ve noticed a common question in my discussions with men and women, both professionally and socially. And when the same question comes up over and over, it’s worth paying attention to.

My response to this particular question highlights two bottom-line issues for a man and a woman in relationship to one another.

#1. What should a Christian man do in regard to the woman he loves?

  • First, he needs to be boldly upfront in his faith – to fearlessly express his desire to seek and follow the Lord. When he is explicit in this, his woman can more easily trust and respect him. Simply put, if she doesn’t hear him pray or read the Bible, she worries more. And worry leads to attempts to fix, manage, and control things – not a pleasant prospect for either one!
  • Second, he needs to treat his woman the way the Bible tells him to. The instructions are simple, but not always easy to follow. In fact, the Bible is pretty demanding of men (See Ephesians 5:25-30). Guys are held responsible for so much! And if his woman doesn’t feel secure, loving her as he should won’t be an easy job (see #1).

# 2. What should a Christian woman do in regard to the man she loves?

  • First, she needs to love her man. However, in doing so, she must learn what it is that a man actually needs from her. Many a woman has the tendency to try to love her man by treating him the way she wants to be treated. But men* are not like women – at all – in terms of what they need and what makes them feel loved and supported.
  • Second, she needs to trust the Lord. You’d think I would have put this one first, wouldn’t you? But in reality, a woman just naturally moves toward the mushy stuff. She is more inclined to believe that “all we need is to be together.” And the reality of the differences* between her and her man often makes her want to force/fix things in order to fulfill her dreams (e.g., riding off into the sunset on the back of her cowboy’s horse). She needs to learn how to pray for her man and to trust the Lord to lead him. When she does that – which isn’t easy either – she can feel more confident in her relationship with him (See Ephesians 5:22-24).

If you’d like to know more, stay tuned … or join me in Newport Beach for my next FREE Women’s Seminar!

* Men and women are equally valuable creatures. But they do think very differently – using very different logic. So they behave very differently as well. Yet they tend to interpret one another’s behavior by the same, rather than by appropriate gender-specific standards.


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