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Do Single Men Puzzle You? July 23, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, Q & A, understanding men.
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Do men behave in ways you don’t understand? One question comes up repeatedly among unmarried women:

We were getting along so well! Why did he disappear? Did I do something wrong?

It seems that single men tend to move forward in a relationship, then back up – which can be a frustrating twist on the Country Two-Step for the women they’ve expressed an interest in. Some women take it in stride, whereas others begin to struggle with their self-confidence. And we know that women with low self-confidence can be very unattractive to men. Which can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy about being unlovable.

So what’s a woman to do?

Some decide to “fake it ’til you make it.” So you pretend to be something you’re not? Seriously. How can that be helpful? Others say “dump the dude” … Isn’t that kind of like quitting before you get fired? Do you pursue him? No, that never works. It’s very unflattering to say the least.

Time for a reality check.

First of all, when a man appears to be taking a step back from a relationship, that may or may not be true. Remember that men do not think or behave like a woman, so there’s absolutely no point in judging him according to the standards of the Ideal Woman. He may just be busy.

He may also be taking a time out … and thinking about where he needs to lead next. If he truly cares about you, he’ll give your relationship a lot of thought and prayer. Being a leader is an awesome task, and a good man will want to get it right.

And it may not be something you need to figure out just yet.

Although it’s true that a woman’s self-esteem relies heavily on what she thinks her man thinks of her, it shouldn’t rule her life. Your self-esteem and your self-confidence must be based on the unconditional love of Christ. In the words of songwriter Tim Timmons,

Jesus you lavished on me
Your revolutionary love love love
Love love love
I am Your masterpiece
Created for the world to see see see
Your love love love through me

As you grasp the reality of God’s love for you, you’ll realize you can fully trust Him to take care of you. And if the guy really is going away, it’s probably for your best.

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