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Needy or Openly Vulnerable? September 10, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, recommended reading, understanding men, understanding women.
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Neediness gets such a bum rap. As one of my mentors told me, “To say that someone is too needy is like saying they are too human.” He was right. We are all needy. We cannot survive very long without one another … or a facsimile thereof. Do you remember “Wilson,” Tom Hanks’s volleyball friend in the movie Castaway? Human contact is so essential that we will create a face into which we can gaze. Animal, vegetable, or mineral, we derive great comfort in believing that we are not alone.

So if nothing is wrong with being needy, why are men so turned off by it? My guess is that it has nothing to do with a lack of empathy. Most men are wonderfully empathic. However, inexplicable emotion quickly becomes difficult for most of them because they cannot figure out what the problem is – what it is that you need, what they can do to help. So like in the movie Jerry McGuire, he might say, “Help me help you.”

So let’s go with vulnerability. By all means, do tell him how you feel. Just be brief and specific. It is also okay to cry, as long as you give him something to do that will help you feel better. This is most definitely one of those times when “even guys with two left feet come out alright if the girl is sweet.”

A word of caution here … be sure you’re honestly sharing your needs, concerns, or feelings, and not that you’re moving into manipulation or an attempt to try to fix what you think is wrong with him. More about how to help him become a better man in Chapter 8, but for now … let’s keep working on you …

Pre-order your copy of Dr. Debi’s new book now!
Release Date: September 29, 2012

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