jump to navigation

Christmas Presence November 30, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith.
add a comment

When we love someone, we want to give them something that lets them how important they are to us. God did that in giving His Son, the Greatest Gift (John 3:16), Emanuel (God With Us).

Likewise, we can give of ourselves this Christmas – our Christmas presence. That is the greatest gift we can give to someone we love. Spend some quality, one-on-one time with your spouse and each of your children this Holiday Season. No agenda, except to truly understand what your loved one is thinking, feeling, dreaming about, and fearing. Then commit to pray for him or her every day in the coming year. It will change your life – and theirs.

A Man’s Voice November 28, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

I love the comfort of a man’s voice. If they only realized how powerful it is, men could choose to use their amazing voices for the good of their marriage. Author Stormie Omartian agrees:

There’s nothing more wonderful than the male voice. It is strong and deep and rich. And the sound of male voices singing together is one of the most beautiful sounds on earth. But the male voice can also be terrifying, especially to women and children. Most men have no idea about the power of their voice. When a man speaks, his words have the power to create and the power to destroy. His words can be like a sharp knife that wounds and kills, or a soothing balm that heals and brings life. (The Power of a Praying Husband, p. 40)

A Quick Quiz for Couples November 24, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading.
add a comment
Couple Quiz 1: How well are you doing? from Dr. Debi Smith

Give Your Gal the Perfect Present November 22, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, sexuality, Stories, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Dr. Debi Smith has studied the Psychology Men and Traditional Masculinity at the graduate and post-doctoral levels, and even taught a university class on this very popular subject.

What she’s learned is that most women don’t have a clue about men’s experience, and that most men don’t know how to explain it. So she’s written this book …

for the Two of You!

Order Now!

What You Can Expect From a Godly Man November 16, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Dr. Debi Smith

by Dr. Debi Smith

The image of a man and a woman dancing together in three-quarter time is the best metaphor for (and experience of) a romantic relationship as it should be.

More specifically, a couple dance provides much of the information we need in order to understand what makes a romantic relationship work well. The man takes the lead, and the woman follows. He guides and protects her. She influences him, even as she admires him … and makes him look good to anyone who’s watching.


I’ve included one of my favorite waltz videos here. There are so many couples on the dance floor it’s hard to imagine how they keep twirling around without crashing into one another. That is, unless you realize that each pair has only one leader.

It’s the man’s job to protect his partner from other couples on the floor, and to guide her steps as they swish and swirl in time to the music. If the woman starts criticizing what he’s doing or pulling him in a different direction, it will be impossible for him to take responsibility for the dance.

As Christian women, most of us have been taught that the man is to be the leader in the family. In reality, women have been running the show for a long time now. Let’s face it. We can make it through life without a man. But can we really live the life we desire?

Yes, we can survive. But in taking charge, we miss the beauty of what God intended our relationships to be. We not only make it impossible for our man to lead, but we deny what every girl’s heart longs for.

Every girl wants three things from the man she loves.

She wants him to protect her, to guide her, and to hold her. And as the leader, he was designed by God to do just that!

1. Protect Me

Men are designed to protect us. It’s a fact of life that men are bigger and stronger than women. And they have this wonderful quality about them: much much much high testosterone levels. Women’s bodies produce testosterone, too, but far far less of it than men do … without giving it a thought.

However, this very fact can make us afraid of them. When we feel intimidated or threatened by a man, we use the only surefire weapon we have: our words. And given that men are sensitive to us, our words usually work to “cut him down to size.” Not a bad thing if he’s the enemy. But if he’s our partner in life, we’ve just made it impossible for him to protect us.

2. Guide Me

Okay, this one may be hard for us to admit. But don’t we really wish someone knew the answers? And don’t we wish it was our man who knew? We love it when he solves a problem for us … and he does, too! His brain was made to solve problems, so you’re actually helping him fulfill his purpose in life when you let him guide. It’s very satisfying to a man when he can win in this way … finding a workable solution that makes life better for others.

However, guys get a bump rap for trying to solve our problems for us. Sometimes we just want them to listen (see #3 below). If that’s what we need, all we have to do is tell him that up front. Most guys are happy to provide whatever will make us happy, but we have to be specific about what we want … because guys don’t think like we do … at all!

3. Hold Me

This one is probably the most important of the three things a woman desires from the man she loves. And it happens while you dance. (Maybe that’s why I love waltzing so much!) Women not only want to be touched, but they want to be held … lovingly, caringly, respectfully. Research shows that being held by someone you love will dramatically reduce anxiety in a matter of minutes! We’ve all seen an anxious toddler benefit from being scooped up and held by a loving parent. As adults, we’re no different. We all need to be held sometimes. And women need it every day!

We’re vulnerable creatures, but we often don’t feel safe enough to admit it. We often get a bump rap by being called “needy” … especially by men. And we hate that. So we’d rather not say how we’re feeling … or ask to be comforted, reassured, held.

And that’s really, really sad. Because a man loves (and receives measurable emotional and psychological benefits) from holding the woman he cares for. If he only knew that’s what you needed … Most of the time, he just thinks he’s screwed something up and that you would like to have him beheaded.

What can you do to assure that your partner will protect you, guide you, and hold you?

First, he needs to know that you are following him, even if he’s not a very seasoned leader. A man can never become a really great leader if no one is willing to follow him. In a word, he needs you to submit to his leadership. Submission really means that you trust and respect him. It does not mean that you follow him blindly and without feedback.

Second, he needs your feedback. Both Scripture and research show that men need to be open to the influence of their wives. Otherwise, they’re doomed to failure. However, your feedback must not be in the form of criticism, attack, blame, or advice. What he desperately needs to know is what he is doing right … what pleases you … what makes you happy. Give him that, and he will pull out all the stops to make you even more pleased and more happy.

Finally, he needs you to help him look good to anyone who’s watching. He’ll stand taller and work harder than you ever thought possible. And he’ll love doing it … for you!

A couple of final thoughts …

Remember that the man you fell in love with is still in there … no matter what you may be going through right now. He longs to be your best friend, your protector, your guide, and your comfort. Let him be those things for you.

And remember to have fun together. That’s what best friends do! Sharing laughter and memories will strengthen your emotional bond and help you make it through the tough times.

For more information, check out these books by Dr. Debi Smith …

Download $4.99 FREE Download Download Sample

Communication, Connection, and Conflict Resolution November 14, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Happy Birthday, Dr. Debi! November 10, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Events, recommended reading, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Happy Birthday, Dr. DebiToday we celebrate Dr. Debi’s Birthday with the release of her newest book!

Why won’t he talk to me? November 7, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Learn the Simple Truth About Men
and Intimate Communication

Does the man you love withdraw and refuse to face issues? have problems being open about things? often misunderstand what you’re saying?

Many women believe men are insensitive jerks … don’t have feelings … are only interested in one thing … or just don’t get it.

Even if you’ve tried everything you can think of, there’s still hope! So don’t give up until you’ve practiced the principles in this free book by Dr. Debi Smith!

Download your free copy now!
Available in a variety of formats … even for your Kindle!

Mothers and Sons November 2, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in development, Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, research, understanding men.
add a comment

Mothers and Sons: How the Maternal Attachment Experience Affects Boys’ Emotional and Social Development

Cover for 'Mothers and Sons: How the Maternal Attachment Experience Affects Boys’ Emotional and Social Development'By Dr. Debi Smith

Published: Oct. 30, 2012
Words: 18323 (approximate)
Language: American English
ISBN: 9780988593411

This academic exploration of the mother-child relationship gives particular attention to its specific impact on male children and their emotional development. The issue of nature and nurture is addressed, as is the complex topic of boys and vulnerable emotions, with particular emphasis on guilt, humiliation, and shame; anxiety and depression; and anger and rage.