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Want a happier hubby? January 31, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, sexuality, understanding men.
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kiss_todayKiss your husband
at least 3 times
… everyday.

He needs it!

A Life-Changing Moment January 29, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, understanding women.
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If your wife is having a bad day, take her hands in yours and pray for her … out loud.

Speak words of blessing over her, using Scripture to remind her how much The Lord loves her.

It will be a life-changing moment for you both.


Significance January 22, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, marriage, understanding men.
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wedding_bandsby Pastor Eric Heard

Marriage is Covenant Love …

You have given the greatest gift that any woman can ever give to a man, and that is ‘significance.’ You see this man, and you believe in him. You respect him, and your words mean everything to him. And this is what will keep him focused in life. Keeping him close to the Lord is the fact that you’re behind him, praying for him and supporting him.

Make Sense of the Man You Love January 13, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, dating, development, Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Dr. Debi SmithMy goal is to help women understand the men they love. And to help men understand us better … or at least to not get freaked out by our emotions. Do you know what I mean?

Truth be told, women really don’t get guys. We don’t understand how they think, what they feel, or why they do the things they do. With three sons and two grandsons to my credit, as well as a lot of years studying about and working with men and their relationships, I think I’ve got the inside track on that one … but I’m still a girl, which means I don’t always have it right.

Of course, sometimes men have questions about women, too. In fact, there’s a rumor going around that we’re way to complicated to ever understand. Seriously. But there are some simple truths that can help you begin to make sense of what she wants … and how you can win points with her. You want to make the lady smile in your direction, right?

For the past 9 years, I’d been planning to write down what I’ve learned … so you could benefit from it, too. And in November 2012, I finally finished my third book on the Psychology of Men and Relationships.

As a Psychologist and former University Professor, I’ve read tons of books about relationships. Some of them were not the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. And it seems that most books written for non-professionals are filled with … well, in a word … filler. That is, you get most of the info in the first couple of chapters, and after that you get to read redundant repetition. sigh

So my goal was to write something that would be an enjoyable read … something you’d actually want to read … all the way through to the end. And from the feedback I’ve received, I think I accomplished my goal! So I invite your to order your own copy of Dance With Me: a hopeful romantic interprets Ephesians 5; attend Dance With Me: Relationship Workshops for Men, Women, and Couples; or sign up for our FREE SEMINARS!


Dr. Debi Smith

Newport Beach, California

God designed man to … January 12, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, recommended reading, sexuality, understanding men.
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by Dr. Debi Smith

shavingAs part of the curse noted in Genesis 3 – the woman’s desire is to control, manage, and fix her husband. And that man will toil his life away. And they won’t get along with one another. That doesn’t sound so good now, does it?

However, we can now give thanks to the Lord for the hope we have through our faith in Jesus Christ, who sets things right again. In Ephesians 5, we learn that man is to love his wife and be willing to die for her … as Christ died for the Church.  So far, that sounds like the Best Good Deal for Womankind.  But that’s not all there is to it.

There’s that part about the wife’s submission, remember?

Clearly, we are created as partners. Essential partners in the work of the Kingdom of God. Through Christ, we are redeemed to fulfill the purpose for which we were created. Man is the Leader, and woman is the Follower. He’s not a dictator, and she’s not a silent, meaningless subject. More about that later …

Fortunately, when we get things back in their proper, Heavenly perspective, man has what he needs to do his job, to live out his life doing what God designed him to do. And man was created to be especially adept at four things (five, if you count parallel parking): protecting, providing, problem-solving, and pleasing. Yes, they all begin with the letter “p.” That makes it easier to remember. How cool is that?

Ephesians 5 Workshops & Free Seminars
by Dr. Debi Smith
for men, women, & couples

Why Do We Dance? January 7, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, understanding men.
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by Dr. Debi Smith

Fred Judkins Dr. Debi SmithLife is difficult, but we are not alone. The righteous have many troubles, but The Lord delivers us from them all! So as Christians, we surely have Good Reason to be joyful … and to dance. King David said it this way:

You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, so that my soul may praise you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever. (Psalm 30:11-12)

I find the whole idea totally irresistible. But as far as I know, I’m the only psychologist who has actually made couples dancing one of her clinical techniques! And why not? It’s a great way to enjoy one another. It’s filled with Fun, Friendship, and Romance … which works great for Fred and me, and we believe it can work for you, too!

Fred and I are particularly fond of Victorian-style dancing for several reasons. First, it beautifully follows the Biblical Principles of male leadership (protect, guide, love) and female submission (trust, respect). Second, it’s so easy that ANYONE can learn how to do it. Third, it’s elegant and fun, especially with a group of like-minded believers. We hope you’ll join us in February at Mariners Church in Irvine! We promise easy-to-learn dances, Victorian-style parlour games, and Load of Laughter … guaranteed! [read more]

Too Many Men January 4, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, understanding men.
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wedding_bandsMen need women. They have from the start. There’s something inherently attractive about women that makes them utterly irresistible to men. And it’s not just about sex. Men desire women at a very deep level.

But too many women think men are only interested in sex.

Yes, they are interested in sex. Sex is very important to a man. It meets an important need for him, but it’s not everything to him.

However, making love to his wife fulfills many, many more of his needs. It fulfills his needs for her attention, acceptance, affection, and affirmation. In short, making love makes a man feel … well, it makes him feel loved.

But far too many men have given up on being loved by a woman … which, by the way, is one of man’s deepest longings.

Too many men have resigned themselves to settling for peace, giving up their hope for a joyous marriage.

Are you married to one of them? Are you one of them?

There is Hope!