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Mistakes We’ve Made April 6, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.

your_brainIf you’re like me, you’ve probably heard some pretty discouraging info about the long-term viability of romance in the past few decades (probably fewer decades that I, depending on your age).

It seems that my predecessors – as well as many of my contemporary colleagues – are pessimists when it comes to romance. And I believe it’s time we learn the truth about the inherent need of man for woman – and the power of it all!

Our Mistakes

Psychology and Christianity have both been telling us that our romance can’t last. That it’s a “trick” of Mother Nature (our biology) designed to facilitate our attraction to one another and to compel us to mate … to perpetuate our species. However, “they” warn us that no one can stay on a romantic “high” forever.

When I was teaching at the university a few years ago, my department chair forwarded a student email message to me. She was looking for a professor who could assist her with some research she was doing about how harmful Hollywood’s romantic movies are to our relationships. Not long ago, my own pastor commented that Hollywood sets up unrealistic expectations for our relationships.

Our expectations are too high? Really, folks?

It seems to me that our expectations are too low! I replied to my department chair that I would be very happy to speak with the student about romantic movies, but that I would not be giving her the response she was seeking. And for the first time, I was tempted to write to my pastor! (Yes, believe it or not, I really am shy, especially about personal confrontation.)

First, I believe all the romantic films (the truly romantic, that is, not the gory, sexually inappropriate stuff) tap into our deepest desire for emotionally intimate connection with another human being. And the reality is, we do that best in the context of traditional marriage.

And although I must admit that I haven’t yet read his book, I believe professional counselor Tim Alan Gardner is right on in his approach:

A couple’s sexual relationship has a far higher purpose than pleasure or procreation. Scripture makes it clear that sex is the one thing on earth that joins two people into one. Now readers can learn how to approach marital sex in a way that brings the fulfillment of true oneness. Sacred Sex shows how they can experience a beautiful, God-ordained life of intimacy that blesses them far beyond the bedroom walls, serves as an act of worship to God, and touches their hearts and souls in ways they never could have imagined. ~ Amazon’s Book Description

Sex without romance is empty. However, the amazing combo of companionship, commitment, romance, and sex make for a truly divine experience! Yay, God!

Reconnect, fan the flames of love, and keep your romance alive and well. It can be done! Ask me how during your FREE phone consultation!


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