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Great Advice for Husbands January 27, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, understanding women.
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Michael Simmons, FireproofWhen a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever close to hers.
~ Michael Simmons (character), Fireproof (movie)

How to Change a Man January 25, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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change_a_manThe real, scientific definition of reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood that a target behavior will occur again.

In our case, the target behavior is anything that he does that makes us feel loved, cared for, and respected.

And reinforcement can be positive or negative. So at least in theory, both types of reinforcement increase the likelihood that the target behavior will occur again.

Negative reinforcement means that something unpleasant is taken away. For example, whenever you take an aspirin (target behavior) to deal with a headache, your headache will go away (negative reinforcement). Therefore, the next time a headache hits, it’s more likely that you’ll take an aspirin again … because doing so the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. Or your man finally takes out the trash (target behavior), and your constant nagging goes away (negative reinforcement). So – at least in theory – the next time you start nagging, it’s more likely he’ll take out the trash because the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. But, that last example backfires sometimes, doesn’t it? He may just learn to tune you out, which also ends the nagging … and your relationship as you would like it to be.

I don’t know about you, but headaches and nagging are not what I would want my man to have fresh on his mind whenever he thinks of me!

Reinforcement can also be positive in that something can be added, such as your “thank you” or your smile. He does something nice. You smile and say, “Thank you.” Through positive reinforcement, you just increased the likelihood that he’ll do something nice again.

So he does something nice yet again. So you smile and say, “Thank you.” Now we’ve really got something good going!

In reality, that’s the way it was in the beginning of your relationship. But most of us stop saying “Thank you” and begin to expect – rather than hope for and appreciate – good things from our guys.

Yes, it really is that easy to change a man … for the better. But it took me years – and the advice of one great guy – to be able to put two and two together. I am a blonde, after all. If I’d only paid attention sooner I could have figured it out way back when I was completing all those undergraduate studies. And I could have skipped grad school altogether …

This material is protected by Copyright. Excerpt from HOME IMPROVEMENT, Dance With Me © Dr. Debi Smith
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In real life, that’s where I come in … January 15, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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helping_the_boyI get razzed a lot for my tendency to quote lines from romantic movies.

Don’t we all love the “meet cute” at the beginning of a movie? It reminds us of the excitement, hope, and joy that we experience at the beginning of a relationship.

Next, the boy wins the girl … or at least gets her attention.

Then he screws something up … or at least she THINKS he did.

And the rest is about getting her back.

In real life, that’s where I come in …

Woman was created for Man? January 14, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.~ 1 Corinthians 11:8-9

dr_debi_smith_workshopsSo … like, if God really created woman for man …

… and if what we’re doing for him isn’t working
… then shouldn’t we be spending a lot more time figuring out what we’re SUPPOSED to be doing for him?

Join us for this lively and Interactive Workshop designed to get you thinking about how we are created differently as Male and Female … and God’s Design for Marriage.

You’ll leave with Insight into why a man does what he does
… and a whole Basketful of Tips to enhance your Romance
… no matter where you are in the process!

Saturday, February 1
12:30 – 3:30 pm

What if … January 10, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, free quizzes.
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What if …

Every couple in America had FREE access to Professional Help for their marriage?

Something to pray about …

Marriage Insurance January 9, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage.
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premarital_counselingI’ve heard it said that there’s a reason why bridegrooms are all dressed alike … Because it doesn’t really matter what man you plug in to the role. It’s only the bride that counts. The man just isn’t that important.

You may chuckle about that, but it feels true to many men.

A woman is frequently surprised if she hears that her man feels like he’s simply not that important to her … that he doesn’t believe he’s very high on her list of priorities. In fact, he might feel like he’s not even on her list! He may believe that he’s nothing more than a paycheck to her … something to be used up by her. And he doesn’t want sex in exchange for his paycheck. He honestly wants to feel emotionally connected to her, but he just can’t figure out how to make it happen.

There are so many ways men try to connect with us … to ask us to dance with them.

And it requires a tremendous amount of courage to ask … especially if they have been shut down a lot. However, each time a man gets a “yes,” he’s encouraged to ask again … and again … and again …

Would you like to know a few essential ways that you can say “yes” to the men in your life?

Excerpt From:
Dance With Me: A Hopeful Romantic Interprets Ephesians 5
by Dr. Debi Smith

Free Quizzes for Couples January 8, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, free quizzes, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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How are things going? The following free quizzes can be helpful in evaluating the current state of your relationship. They are provided for informational purposes only, and are not intended to replace professional assessment. If you are experiencing distress, please contact your local mental health professional.

How well are you doing as a couple?This quiz, based on findings of marital research, can help you get an idea of how well you are doing in some vital areas of your relationship. After you submit your answers, your quiz results will be instantly emailed to you.

Click here to access the “Couples Quiz.”

Love & Respect Quiz

This quiz is adapted from J. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Click here to access the “Love and Respect Quiz.”

Contact Info:

Dr. Debi Smith
Phone: 800.705.6223
Email: mail@drdebismith.com
Website: www.DrDebiSmith.com