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The Wonder of a Man April 25, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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A Man is creatively designed to lead, and his woman’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well.

  • He’s bigger and stronger.
  • He excels in her affirmation.
  • He stands taller in her admiration.
  • And he adores her more than words can say.

But He’s actually more sensitive than she is … and to different things than she is. His sensitivity is primary when it comes to her. Which motivates him to protect her. To provide for her. To be willing to die for her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 25-33)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

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The Beauty of a Woman April 18, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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A woman is creatively designed to follow, and her man’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well. Her skill at following him is incredibly important because …

  • Without her, he’s got no hope for becoming all that he could be.
  • And you can’t be a leader if no one is willing to follow you.

She has so much in common with a man. She’s very much like him, yet so very different. She’s soft and curvy. Smells sweet. Emotionally sensitive. Expressive. She sees things differently than he does. Which makes him wonder how she comes up with stuff.

But that’s how she’s got his back.
As well as how he’s got hers!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

Made for Each Other April 11, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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Eve was created for Adam. He didn’t even know he needed anything. But God did. And she was exactly what he needed. Likewise, Adam was exactly what Eve needed. He was her Joy and Bliss. Man and Woman are made for each other. We get to enjoy this Truth as we follow the Holy Spirit.

Why on earth would we want to listen to the enemy? Clearly Adam and Eve were made in the likeness of God … and made for each other. The enemy hated their Image (identity) and their Romance (relationship).

  • He lied to Eve.
  • Wounded Adam.
  • Messed up Romance.

If your life has been anything like mine, the enemy has messed with your Image and your Romance on more than one occasion. So you may find it difficult to embrace the Truth that man and woman are made for each other. But we are! By God Himself, and …

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

Always Learning December 27, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, research, understanding men.
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I love to listen to men because they always have something of value to say … especially older men. Here’s a recent gem:

Your man doesn’t tell you what he needs from you when he’s struggling with something because:
(a) he’s flooded (emotionally)
(b) he doesn’t know what he needs from you
(c) all of the above

Dr. Debi SmithJoin the discussion, guys. I’m looking for A Few Good Men who are willing to be interviewed (by me) for a very Important Research Project about The Psychology of Christian Men. If you’re interested in learning more, let me know via mail@drdebismith.com

Talk to you soon!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi

Discover Romance November 26, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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Life is filled with Simple Moments that make life special … if you notice them!discover_romance

 

A Hopeful Romantic + Ephesians 5 = Happy Couples! November 19, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Q & A, recommended reading.
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Dance With Me by Dr. Debi Smith (Psychologist, Author, Speaker, Coach)

Available @ Amazon.com
or instant download for iPad, iPhone, Kindle, Nook, etc., @ Smashwords.com

Dr John TownsendMale-female relationships can be difficult. Both genders need understanding and skills to have great connections. Dr. Debi Smith has written a great book with biblical understanding, research-based principles, and applicable skills. The material will make significant gains in any relationship. I highly recommend this book.

~ Dr. John Townsend
Organizational Consultant, Psychologist
and Co-Author of Boundaries

Men Are Not From Mars! November 2, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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marsNo.

Men Are Not From Mars.
Women Are Not From Venus.

Men Don’t Have Waffle Brains.
And Women’s Brains Are Not Made of Spaghetti.

We’re from the Same Planet!
And we were created by the same All-Wise God.

But we are created to be different. And we have
different life purposes and experiences.

Want to know more? Here it is!

Have you read it yet? October 29, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Dance With Me: A Hopeful Romantic Interprets Ephesians 5

by Dr. Debi Smith … now available for purchase from
the following retailers …

Mariners Church, Irvine, CA

Skinsations Spa

Amazon.com

Why do men stonewall? Maybe it’s just the Man Cave. September 4, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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man on beachAn understanding of men necessarily includes a healthy respect for the Man Cave. But as women we typically have a really hard time with it. We have nothing to compare it to, so it simply doesn’t make sense to us.

But it makes a lot of sense to men.

When we’re worried about something, we usually want someone to walk and to talk though it with us. For the most part, our American culture has trained us to do just that.

However, the same culture has taught him to do the opposite! Remember the story of what typically happens to the toddler boy on the playground? Those early experiences were the beginning of his education in The Boy Code. He learned that a man has to appear tough – a Sturdy Oak – in order to be loved and respected. And he learned that a man must figure out his own problems and deal with all his vulnerable emotions – anger, sadness, fear, hurt, grief, shame, guilt, and doubt – on his own.

So that’s what he does, and he does it in the Man Cave.

Looking at it from our side of the wall, the Man Cave feels like stonewalling at best and abandonment at worst. Simply knowing that her man is struggling is not enough, because that only serves to trigger a woman’s natural desire to reach out and encourage him … to get him to talk to her … to try to convince him that she is his Safe Haven.

But a lifetime of experience has taught him otherwise. Her efforts to connect will feel like an invasion to him. And this invasion typically results in immediate defense – usually by strengthening his wall. And being shut out makes her more anxious … worried about him … and about herself. It feels like the Beginning of the End to her, and she often doesn’t understand why. So she tries to fix it. But first she has to get through the wall. Drastic times call for drastic measures … so she hauls out the Wrecking Ball.

You can see where this is going, right?

Nowhere. Absolutely Nowhere.

“So what do I do? I suppose you expect me to sit down on the curb outside the Man Cave and just wait for him to come out?” you ask in your frustration. “If I do that,” you reason, “he’ll never come out!”

Nope. There’s so much more you can do to help him!

Stay tuned or find out more now in Dance With Me: A Hopeful Romantic Interprets Ephesians 5

Happy Father’s Day! June 16, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith.
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A huge heartfelt thanks to our men for all they do to provide for their families and keep them safe, and for being their guiding light throughout life. You’re the best! May God bless you and strengthen you.