jump to navigation

An Ephesians 5 Romance July 3, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in development, Dr. Debi Smith.
add a comment

Your love story matters.

 

It matters because it belongs to you.  It’s what you know and where you live.

 

Mostly, it matters to God.

my_beloved-book

View Table of Contents now!

Always Learning December 27, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, research, understanding men.
add a comment

I love to listen to men because they always have something of value to say … especially older men. Here’s a recent gem:

Your man doesn’t tell you what he needs from you when he’s struggling with something because:
(a) he’s flooded (emotionally)
(b) he doesn’t know what he needs from you
(c) all of the above

Dr. Debi SmithJoin the discussion, guys. I’m looking for A Few Good Men who are willing to be interviewed (by me) for a very Important Research Project about The Psychology of Christian Men. If you’re interested in learning more, let me know via mail@drdebismith.com

Talk to you soon!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi

A Hopeful Romantic + Ephesians 5 = Happy Couples! November 19, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Q & A, recommended reading.
add a comment

Dance With Me by Dr. Debi Smith (Psychologist, Author, Speaker, Coach)

Available @ Amazon.com
or instant download for iPad, iPhone, Kindle, Nook, etc., @ Smashwords.com

Dr John TownsendMale-female relationships can be difficult. Both genders need understanding and skills to have great connections. Dr. Debi Smith has written a great book with biblical understanding, research-based principles, and applicable skills. The material will make significant gains in any relationship. I highly recommend this book.

~ Dr. John Townsend
Organizational Consultant, Psychologist
and Co-Author of Boundaries

Men Are Not From Mars! November 2, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

marsNo.

Men Are Not From Mars.
Women Are Not From Venus.

Men Don’t Have Waffle Brains.
And Women’s Brains Are Not Made of Spaghetti.

We’re from the Same Planet!
And we were created by the same All-Wise God.

But we are created to be different. And we have
different life purposes and experiences.

Want to know more? Here it is!

Why do men stonewall? Maybe it’s just the Man Cave. September 4, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
add a comment

man on beachAn understanding of men necessarily includes a healthy respect for the Man Cave. But as women we typically have a really hard time with it. We have nothing to compare it to, so it simply doesn’t make sense to us.

But it makes a lot of sense to men.

When we’re worried about something, we usually want someone to walk and to talk though it with us. For the most part, our American culture has trained us to do just that.

However, the same culture has taught him to do the opposite! Remember the story of what typically happens to the toddler boy on the playground? Those early experiences were the beginning of his education in The Boy Code. He learned that a man has to appear tough – a Sturdy Oak – in order to be loved and respected. And he learned that a man must figure out his own problems and deal with all his vulnerable emotions – anger, sadness, fear, hurt, grief, shame, guilt, and doubt – on his own.

So that’s what he does, and he does it in the Man Cave.

Looking at it from our side of the wall, the Man Cave feels like stonewalling at best and abandonment at worst. Simply knowing that her man is struggling is not enough, because that only serves to trigger a woman’s natural desire to reach out and encourage him … to get him to talk to her … to try to convince him that she is his Safe Haven.

But a lifetime of experience has taught him otherwise. Her efforts to connect will feel like an invasion to him. And this invasion typically results in immediate defense – usually by strengthening his wall. And being shut out makes her more anxious … worried about him … and about herself. It feels like the Beginning of the End to her, and she often doesn’t understand why. So she tries to fix it. But first she has to get through the wall. Drastic times call for drastic measures … so she hauls out the Wrecking Ball.

You can see where this is going, right?

Nowhere. Absolutely Nowhere.

“So what do I do? I suppose you expect me to sit down on the curb outside the Man Cave and just wait for him to come out?” you ask in your frustration. “If I do that,” you reason, “he’ll never come out!”

Nope. There’s so much more you can do to help him!

Stay tuned or find out more now in Dance With Me: A Hopeful Romantic Interprets Ephesians 5

Women: What You Need to Know April 30, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, dating, development, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, Q & A, research, understanding men, understanding women.
add a comment

Join Dr. Debi for “Lunch Break Wednesday: Informational Session + Q & A” @ noon (PDT), May 1, 2013, when our topic will be “Understanding Women.” Get connected here.

Preview > Women Are Simple: Part 1

Make Sense of the Man You Love January 13, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, dating, development, Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men.
add a comment

Dr. Debi SmithMy goal is to help women understand the men they love. And to help men understand us better … or at least to not get freaked out by our emotions. Do you know what I mean?

Truth be told, women really don’t get guys. We don’t understand how they think, what they feel, or why they do the things they do. With three sons and two grandsons to my credit, as well as a lot of years studying about and working with men and their relationships, I think I’ve got the inside track on that one … but I’m still a girl, which means I don’t always have it right.

Of course, sometimes men have questions about women, too. In fact, there’s a rumor going around that we’re way to complicated to ever understand. Seriously. But there are some simple truths that can help you begin to make sense of what she wants … and how you can win points with her. You want to make the lady smile in your direction, right?

For the past 9 years, I’d been planning to write down what I’ve learned … so you could benefit from it, too. And in November 2012, I finally finished my third book on the Psychology of Men and Relationships.

As a Psychologist and former University Professor, I’ve read tons of books about relationships. Some of them were not the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. And it seems that most books written for non-professionals are filled with … well, in a word … filler. That is, you get most of the info in the first couple of chapters, and after that you get to read redundant repetition. sigh

So my goal was to write something that would be an enjoyable read … something you’d actually want to read … all the way through to the end. And from the feedback I’ve received, I think I accomplished my goal! So I invite your to order your own copy of Dance With Me: a hopeful romantic interprets Ephesians 5; attend Dance With Me: Relationship Workshops for Men, Women, and Couples; or sign up for our FREE SEMINARS!

Enjoy!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi Smith

Newport Beach, California

Book Sale! December 10, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, recommended reading, research, understanding men.
add a comment

mothers_sons-bookMothers and Sons: How the Maternal Attachment Experience Affects Boys’ Emotional and Social Development
by Dr. Debi Smith

Exploring the impact of maternal attachment on the emotional and social development of boys, Dr. Smith uses Attachment Theory to elucidate and integrate aspects of the mother-son relationship from birth through adolescence. An overview of Attachment Theory is followed by several perspectives on male development.

Building upon the concept that this primary attachment is one of life’s most significant relationships, exploration of the mother-child relationship gives particular attention to its specific impact on male children and their emotional development. The issue of nature and nurture is addressed, as is the complex topic of boys and vulnerable emotions, with particular emphasis on guilt, humiliation, and shame; anxiety and depression; and anger and rage.

Implications for clinical treatment of attachment difficulties are summarized, as well as implications for mothers and their adult sons.

Promotional price: $0.00
Coupon Code: SG68Y
Expires: December 21, 2012
Download > HERE

Mothers and Sons November 2, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in development, Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, research, understanding men.
add a comment

Mothers and Sons: How the Maternal Attachment Experience Affects Boys’ Emotional and Social Development

Cover for 'Mothers and Sons: How the Maternal Attachment Experience Affects Boys’ Emotional and Social Development'By Dr. Debi Smith

Published: Oct. 30, 2012
Words: 18323 (approximate)
Language: American English
ISBN: 9780988593411

This academic exploration of the mother-child relationship gives particular attention to its specific impact on male children and their emotional development. The issue of nature and nurture is addressed, as is the complex topic of boys and vulnerable emotions, with particular emphasis on guilt, humiliation, and shame; anxiety and depression; and anger and rage.

DOWNLOAD BOOK SAMPLE HERE

What do men want? May 26, 2011

Posted by occhristiancounseling in development.
add a comment

Men are notoriously bad at asking for their needs to be met, which greatly colors our perception of what they need and want. We mostly assume that they want their own way. We assume they want sex. A lot of sex. And they want to watch sports. And to eat junk food. And they don’t want to talk. Especially about your relationship.

As you can see, that paints a pretty shallow picture of men. (Ummm … can pictures be shallow?)

In reality, men are much more complicated than that. A large part of what a man wants depends on where he is in his life. Is he a boy? teenager? young adult? building his career? starting his family? at midlife? recently retired?

We get ourselves into a lot of trouble by assuming all men are always the same, and by that we mean that they must fit the stereotype created for us by a significant male figure in our lives. That doesn’t leave much room for developmental or individual differences.

Want to find out what he wants?

Ask him what he wants from you … or from life. Then listen. Without comment. For as long as he talks. Don’t fill in the silent spots for him. If he pauses, ask him if there’s anything else. When he says “no,” simple say “thanks.”

For more information on this topic, check out Understanding the Men in Your Life: What Every Woman Needs to Know About the Psychology of Men.