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Don’t Fight Your Lead November 20, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Stories, understanding men, understanding women.
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You know I love to dance, right? Well, our wonderful friends on the Memories Swing Team offered to teach me the Lindy Hop. And I finally took them up on it last Monday. What a blast!

Because I’ve already learned to dance many different styles, I just decided to jump into the Intermediate Class. I figured out the count for my footwork (6 or 8), and just followed my lead.

If he was strong and confident, our dance went smoothly.

When I danced with one of the less experienced dancers, it was a bit more of a challenge. But it gave me a chance to encourage and bless … mostly with smiles and laughter.

How cool is that?

Chatting with one of the Team members later, I related my feelings about my first lesson.

His reply? “You’re a good follow because you aren’t afraid to let go of control. You don’t fight your lead.”

That’s a good idea for all of us. Right ladies? A man is expected to take the lead in life, and he’s held responsible for the outcome.

Men need to let go of control as well.
They need to give control to the Lord and learn to follow Him.

Ladies, let’s not distract our men from the Lord’s leadership by trying to take over the dance. Just smile and enjoy, affirming them when they get it right.

Today’s Thought …
Don’t Fight Your Lead.

It makes warfare much harder on the enemy!

… in order that Satan might not outwit us.
For we are not unaware of his schemes. (
2 Corinthians 2:11)

Memories Swing Team

Are you in need of a Paradigm Shift? August 21, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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You were designed to enjoy a Lifelong Love. However, your success in Romance depends on your Paradigm.
A paradigm is a distinct concept or thought pattern.

If you’re not enjoying your mate, it may be a sign that you need to make a Paradigm Shift. That is, what you believe to be true about him or her may be incorrect.

How do you know?

Well, if what you’re doing isn’t bringing joy and peace to you and yours, maybe it’s your paradigm that’s incorrect …

… not your mate.

Now that’s an interesting proposition!

Make the Shift today! Order your copy of Ephesians 5 Romance: the Truth about Love by Dr. Debi Smith

The Abdication of Adam July 29, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, sexuality, understanding men.
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Where Are You, Adam?

We know that Eve wasn’t the only one who messed everything up right there in the Garden.

Check out the rest of his story!
[The Abdication of Adam]

It’s Your Choice! July 17, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, recommended reading, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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What’s your point of view today?

Are you struggling to overcome past hurts and regrets?

Or are you joyfully learning to walk in Newness of Life in Christ?

Your point of view means everything!

If you believe you must change your behavior … or your mate’s behavior … in order to enjoy Life and Love, you’ve got it all wrong!

We are not called to live with a focus on what anyone has done in the past. But that’s what we often do! We spin our wheels trying to make up for our sin … or the sins of others. Or getting someone else to make up for it all. How crazy is that?

The Truth is – because of what Jesus did for us on the Cross … He died for our sins that we might be reconclied to God – we get to choose our point of view …

… and that’s Good News!

We get to choose Life in the Spirit, which means we get to learn how to see Men, Women, and Marriage from God’s point of view. Through the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the choice to co-create a Life that’s Better Than Eden!

How cool is that?

Bottom Line: Living Life in the Spirit means our point of view changes from past-centered to Jesus-centered.

And He always has a more excellent way of looking at things!

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

~ Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

Read more about the Psychology of Men and Romance in my newest book!

The Woman February 10, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in marriage, recommended reading, understanding women.
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It is my pleasure to share this guest post by Bro Shelby Stokes.

Thank you all for joining me, again, on today, to continue forward in the encouragement of seeking the REVOLUTIONARY ACTION of reclaiming OUR RELATIONSHIPS. Today we will speak, exclusively, to the Women. Please, take a moment, or two, and “look upon” the photo. Really take in the image of the Woman. Get a very good understanding of who this Woman is: to be found in the position (placement in the photo, and in the life of the Man; in his heart). Do you see her? Can you see who she just may be? You do?…….

Alright, my faithful Sisters, come take a walk with me for a bit. [read full post]

Great Advice for Husbands January 27, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, understanding women.
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Michael Simmons, FireproofWhen a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree, and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever close to hers.
~ Michael Simmons (character), Fireproof (movie)

How to Change a Man January 25, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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change_a_manThe real, scientific definition of reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood that a target behavior will occur again.

In our case, the target behavior is anything that he does that makes us feel loved, cared for, and respected.

And reinforcement can be positive or negative. So at least in theory, both types of reinforcement increase the likelihood that the target behavior will occur again.

Negative reinforcement means that something unpleasant is taken away. For example, whenever you take an aspirin (target behavior) to deal with a headache, your headache will go away (negative reinforcement). Therefore, the next time a headache hits, it’s more likely that you’ll take an aspirin again … because doing so the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. Or your man finally takes out the trash (target behavior), and your constant nagging goes away (negative reinforcement). So – at least in theory – the next time you start nagging, it’s more likely he’ll take out the trash because the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. But, that last example backfires sometimes, doesn’t it? He may just learn to tune you out, which also ends the nagging … and your relationship as you would like it to be.

I don’t know about you, but headaches and nagging are not what I would want my man to have fresh on his mind whenever he thinks of me!

Reinforcement can also be positive in that something can be added, such as your “thank you” or your smile. He does something nice. You smile and say, “Thank you.” Through positive reinforcement, you just increased the likelihood that he’ll do something nice again.

So he does something nice yet again. So you smile and say, “Thank you.” Now we’ve really got something good going!

In reality, that’s the way it was in the beginning of your relationship. But most of us stop saying “Thank you” and begin to expect – rather than hope for and appreciate – good things from our guys.

Yes, it really is that easy to change a man … for the better. But it took me years – and the advice of one great guy – to be able to put two and two together. I am a blonde, after all. If I’d only paid attention sooner I could have figured it out way back when I was completing all those undergraduate studies. And I could have skipped grad school altogether …

This material is protected by Copyright. Excerpt from HOME IMPROVEMENT, Dance With Me © Dr. Debi Smith
Download now!

In real life, that’s where I come in … January 15, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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helping_the_boyI get razzed a lot for my tendency to quote lines from romantic movies.

Don’t we all love the “meet cute” at the beginning of a movie? It reminds us of the excitement, hope, and joy that we experience at the beginning of a relationship.

Next, the boy wins the girl … or at least gets her attention.

Then he screws something up … or at least she THINKS he did.

And the rest is about getting her back.

In real life, that’s where I come in …

Woman was created for Man? January 14, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.~ 1 Corinthians 11:8-9

dr_debi_smith_workshopsSo … like, if God really created woman for man …

… and if what we’re doing for him isn’t working
… then shouldn’t we be spending a lot more time figuring out what we’re SUPPOSED to be doing for him?

Join us for this lively and Interactive Workshop designed to get you thinking about how we are created differently as Male and Female … and God’s Design for Marriage.

You’ll leave with Insight into why a man does what he does
… and a whole Basketful of Tips to enhance your Romance
… no matter where you are in the process!

Saturday, February 1
12:30 – 3:30 pm

Marriage Insurance January 9, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage.
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premarital_counselingI’ve heard it said that there’s a reason why bridegrooms are all dressed alike … Because it doesn’t really matter what man you plug in to the role. It’s only the bride that counts. The man just isn’t that important.

You may chuckle about that, but it feels true to many men.

A woman is frequently surprised if she hears that her man feels like he’s simply not that important to her … that he doesn’t believe he’s very high on her list of priorities. In fact, he might feel like he’s not even on her list! He may believe that he’s nothing more than a paycheck to her … something to be used up by her. And he doesn’t want sex in exchange for his paycheck. He honestly wants to feel emotionally connected to her, but he just can’t figure out how to make it happen.

There are so many ways men try to connect with us … to ask us to dance with them.

And it requires a tremendous amount of courage to ask … especially if they have been shut down a lot. However, each time a man gets a “yes,” he’s encouraged to ask again … and again … and again …

Would you like to know a few essential ways that you can say “yes” to the men in your life?

Excerpt From:
Dance With Me: A Hopeful Romantic Interprets Ephesians 5
by Dr. Debi Smith