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A Hopeful Romantic + Ephesians 5 = Happy Couples! November 19, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Q & A, recommended reading.
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Dance With Me by Dr. Debi Smith (Psychologist, Author, Speaker, Coach)

Available @ Amazon.com
or instant download for iPad, iPhone, Kindle, Nook, etc., @ Smashwords.com

Dr John TownsendMale-female relationships can be difficult. Both genders need understanding and skills to have great connections. Dr. Debi Smith has written a great book with biblical understanding, research-based principles, and applicable skills. The material will make significant gains in any relationship. I highly recommend this book.

~ Dr. John Townsend
Organizational Consultant, Psychologist
and Co-Author of Boundaries

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How to Get What You Want June 3, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Q & A.
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Many couples have a hard time getting their emotional needs met and their relational longings fulfilled. But it need not be that way!

Both men and women can fall into the trap of believing that their partner simply doesn’t care. Consequently, they go round and round in a negative cycle of interactions.

In reality, romantic partners really want each other to be happy. However, they often don’t realize …

(a) what the other person needs or
(b) how much a positive response would mean.

Listen to the Webinar Replay Here!

Learn more now!

Anger in Relationships May 6, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, Events, marriage, Q & A, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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Join Dr. Debi for “Lunch Break Wednesday: Informational Session + Q & A” @ noon (PDT), May 1, 2013, when our topic will be “All About Anger.” Get connected here.

Women: What You Need to Know April 30, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, dating, development, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, Q & A, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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Join Dr. Debi for “Lunch Break Wednesday: Informational Session + Q & A” @ noon (PDT), May 1, 2013, when our topic will be “Understanding Women.” Get connected here.

Preview > Women Are Simple: Part 1

Is that your final answer? April 18, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Q & A, understanding men, understanding women.
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Each of us has a Bottom-line Question about ourselves. It’s a little bit different for everyone, but it’s always about our value. Some examples:

  • Am I loveable?
  • Does anyone want me?
  • Do I matter?
  • Will you be there for me when I need you?

We ask our Question over and over again (in disguise, of course), hoping to get the answer we need, but expecting our worst fears to be confirmed.

Learn more about relationships @ Dr. Debi’s FREE SEMINARS.

Prelude to a Dance: Secrets of Attraction April 9, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, Q & A, understanding men, understanding women.
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Saturday, April 13

10:30 am – 12:00 pm

Find out what qualities are most attractive to emotionally and spiritually healthy men, as well as the challenges women often encounter in maintaining these wonderful qualities.

Free Conference Call via StartMeeting.com

register now

Have Happier Holidays! December 7, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, Q & A, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Cancel the conflict and make the connection for a Happy Holiday with info you’ll learn from Relationship Expert Dr. Debi Smith!

Prelude to a Dance: Communication, Connection, & Conflict Resolution
FREE 90-Minute Webinar
by Dr. Debi Smith

Sunday, December 16, 2012
6:30 – 8:00 pm

Join Dr. Debi on the Web as she shares inside information about:

  • Communication Problems
  • Communication Styles
  • Communication Strategies
  • Creating Connection
  • Resolving Conflict

Register by clicking the link below. As soon as we get it set up, we’ll send you the login info. And if all goes well, we’ll make the recording available for you, too! How cool is that?

register now!

Women Can’t Be Trusted October 18, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Q & A.
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Wondering Wounded’s Question: I would like your interpretation of a man who seems more interested in spending his time with other men. I went out with him a few times and we really hit it off, but he suddenly withdrew without much explanation. He spends most of his time on hobby of Ham Radio consisting of mostly men friends, and he also spends much time going to Tradorees and trading and selling vintage Boy Scout patches (once again mostly men and boys attend these). Most of (90%) the friends he has on social networking sites are also men. He does not go out with women often in fact it is rare. Do these things indicate he might be gay?

Dr. Smith’s Answer: No, they don’t. In fact, there are many, many reasons a man would prefer the company of other men. Most have to do with issues of safety.

Bergman (1995) described a common emotional experience he refers to as male relational dread. This fear is characterized by a sense of inevitable, never-ending disaster and an expectation of immense and irreparable damage. The closer a man feels to a woman, the more intense his dread. He feels unsafe, guilty, incompetent, and ashamed in this uncharted territory.

Under the pressure of needing to fix things, he is overcome by an exponential increase in his dread. Even though he may desperately want connection, a man may interfere with activation of his own attachment system by “withdrawing, striking out, tuning out, changing the subject, joking, being nice, falling silent” (Bergman, 1995, p. 83).

As Bergman has observed in his workshops, men may have sufficient experiential evidence that disconnection is the better, safer, way to go. “The men—sometimes with good reason—did not trust the women to let go of their images of men and to accept male vulnerability” (Bergman, 1995, p. 83).

Consider the following clip: a lighter look at the way women convince men to trust them, and how men end up disappointed and hurt.

Do Single Men Puzzle You? July 23, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, Q & A, understanding men.
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Do men behave in ways you don’t understand? One question comes up repeatedly among unmarried women:

We were getting along so well! Why did he disappear? Did I do something wrong?

It seems that single men tend to move forward in a relationship, then back up – which can be a frustrating twist on the Country Two-Step for the women they’ve expressed an interest in. Some women take it in stride, whereas others begin to struggle with their self-confidence. And we know that women with low self-confidence can be very unattractive to men. Which can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy about being unlovable.

So what’s a woman to do?

Some decide to “fake it ’til you make it.” So you pretend to be something you’re not? Seriously. How can that be helpful? Others say “dump the dude” … Isn’t that kind of like quitting before you get fired? Do you pursue him? No, that never works. It’s very unflattering to say the least.

Time for a reality check.

First of all, when a man appears to be taking a step back from a relationship, that may or may not be true. Remember that men do not think or behave like a woman, so there’s absolutely no point in judging him according to the standards of the Ideal Woman. He may just be busy.

He may also be taking a time out … and thinking about where he needs to lead next. If he truly cares about you, he’ll give your relationship a lot of thought and prayer. Being a leader is an awesome task, and a good man will want to get it right.

And it may not be something you need to figure out just yet.

Although it’s true that a woman’s self-esteem relies heavily on what she thinks her man thinks of her, it shouldn’t rule her life. Your self-esteem and your self-confidence must be based on the unconditional love of Christ. In the words of songwriter Tim Timmons,

Jesus you lavished on me
Your revolutionary love love love
Love love love
I am Your masterpiece
Created for the world to see see see
Your love love love through me

As you grasp the reality of God’s love for you, you’ll realize you can fully trust Him to take care of you. And if the guy really is going away, it’s probably for your best.

Who’s more complicated? June 13, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, Q & A, understanding men, understanding women.
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Dr. Debi Smith talks about the difficulties inherent in understanding what men and women need from one another.