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Why Won’t He Talk to Me? May 2, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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email-course-art-wwhttmfrontWhen something’s wrong, it’s often the woman who notices it and wants to talk about it – to figure out what’s wrong and fix the problem. Here’s a frequent complaint from our Relationship Survey:

We have problems agreeing on the way in which we will deal with problems. I want to deal with them when they come up, and he wants to think about it on his own for a long time and hope the problem goes away before we talk about it.

Does anything about that sound familiar to you?

Have you’ve ever wondered, “Why won’t he talk to me?”
Maybe you’ve tried everything you can think of.
But don’t give up! Learn what to do now!

In this FREE e-course by Dr. Debi Smith, based on professional research in the Psychology of Men and Romance, you will learn all about …

  • Communication Problems – how to avoid them
  • Communication Styles – how to understand him
  • Communication Strategies – how to get him talking

Learn more now!

It’s Your Choice! July 17, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, recommended reading, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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What’s your point of view today?

Are you struggling to overcome past hurts and regrets?

Or are you joyfully learning to walk in Newness of Life in Christ?

Your point of view means everything!

If you believe you must change your behavior … or your mate’s behavior … in order to enjoy Life and Love, you’ve got it all wrong!

We are not called to live with a focus on what anyone has done in the past. But that’s what we often do! We spin our wheels trying to make up for our sin … or the sins of others. Or getting someone else to make up for it all. How crazy is that?

The Truth is – because of what Jesus did for us on the Cross … He died for our sins that we might be reconclied to God – we get to choose our point of view …

… and that’s Good News!

We get to choose Life in the Spirit, which means we get to learn how to see Men, Women, and Marriage from God’s point of view. Through the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the choice to co-create a Life that’s Better Than Eden!

How cool is that?

Bottom Line: Living Life in the Spirit means our point of view changes from past-centered to Jesus-centered.

And He always has a more excellent way of looking at things!

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

~ Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

Read more about the Psychology of Men and Romance in my newest book!

Why won’t he listen to me? March 5, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Men and women use language differently, in part because they have different life experiences and different goals in life.

In this Women’s Workshop, you will learn some of the most common mistakes women make when they try to communicate with the men they love … and more effective ways to get your point across.

language_of_men

Saturday, March 22
12:00-3:00 pm

Orange Coast Psych Assoc
27401 Los Altos, Suite 275
Mission Viejo, CA
$20/person payable at the door

R.S.V.P. mail@drdebismith.com or 800.705.6223

How to Change a Man January 25, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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change_a_manThe real, scientific definition of reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood that a target behavior will occur again.

In our case, the target behavior is anything that he does that makes us feel loved, cared for, and respected.

And reinforcement can be positive or negative. So at least in theory, both types of reinforcement increase the likelihood that the target behavior will occur again.

Negative reinforcement means that something unpleasant is taken away. For example, whenever you take an aspirin (target behavior) to deal with a headache, your headache will go away (negative reinforcement). Therefore, the next time a headache hits, it’s more likely that you’ll take an aspirin again … because doing so the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. Or your man finally takes out the trash (target behavior), and your constant nagging goes away (negative reinforcement). So – at least in theory – the next time you start nagging, it’s more likely he’ll take out the trash because the last time resulted in negative reinforcement. But, that last example backfires sometimes, doesn’t it? He may just learn to tune you out, which also ends the nagging … and your relationship as you would like it to be.

I don’t know about you, but headaches and nagging are not what I would want my man to have fresh on his mind whenever he thinks of me!

Reinforcement can also be positive in that something can be added, such as your “thank you” or your smile. He does something nice. You smile and say, “Thank you.” Through positive reinforcement, you just increased the likelihood that he’ll do something nice again.

So he does something nice yet again. So you smile and say, “Thank you.” Now we’ve really got something good going!

In reality, that’s the way it was in the beginning of your relationship. But most of us stop saying “Thank you” and begin to expect – rather than hope for and appreciate – good things from our guys.

Yes, it really is that easy to change a man … for the better. But it took me years – and the advice of one great guy – to be able to put two and two together. I am a blonde, after all. If I’d only paid attention sooner I could have figured it out way back when I was completing all those undergraduate studies. And I could have skipped grad school altogether …

This material is protected by Copyright. Excerpt from HOME IMPROVEMENT, Dance With Me © Dr. Debi Smith
Download now!

Free Quizzes for Couples January 8, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, free quizzes, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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How are things going? The following free quizzes can be helpful in evaluating the current state of your relationship. They are provided for informational purposes only, and are not intended to replace professional assessment. If you are experiencing distress, please contact your local mental health professional.


How well are you doing as a couple?This quiz, based on findings of marital research, can help you get an idea of how well you are doing in some vital areas of your relationship. After you submit your answers, your quiz results will be instantly emailed to you.

Click here to access the “Couples Quiz.”


Love & Respect Quiz

This quiz is adapted from J. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Click here to access the “Love and Respect Quiz.”


Contact Info:

Dr. Debi Smith
Phone: 800.705.6223
Email: mail@drdebismith.com
Website: www.DrDebiSmith.com

A Few Good Men December 30, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, research.
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psychology_of_Christian_men-blue400I’m looking for A Few Good Men who are willing to be interviewed (by me) for a very Important Research Project about “The Psychology of Christian Men.”

Details about this new study are here.

If you are a man (or know someone) who is interested in learning more about participating, please message me > mail@drdebismith.com

Always Learning December 27, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, development, Dr. Debi Smith, research, understanding men.
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I love to listen to men because they always have something of value to say … especially older men. Here’s a recent gem:

Your man doesn’t tell you what he needs from you when he’s struggling with something because:
(a) he’s flooded (emotionally)
(b) he doesn’t know what he needs from you
(c) all of the above

Dr. Debi SmithJoin the discussion, guys. I’m looking for A Few Good Men who are willing to be interviewed (by me) for a very Important Research Project about The Psychology of Christian Men. If you’re interested in learning more, let me know via mail@drdebismith.com

Talk to you soon!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi

Discover Romance November 26, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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Life is filled with Simple Moments that make life special … if you notice them!discover_romance

 

Men Are Not From Mars! November 2, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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marsNo.

Men Are Not From Mars.
Women Are Not From Venus.

Men Don’t Have Waffle Brains.
And Women’s Brains Are Not Made of Spaghetti.

We’re from the Same Planet!
And we were created by the same All-Wise God.

But we are created to be different. And we have
different life purposes and experiences.

Want to know more? Here it is!

November 7th: Free Talk & Book Signing! October 29, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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free talk book signing

27401 Los Altos, Suite 275, Mission Viejo, California

Join Dr. Debi for this FREE Talk & Booksigning!
You’ll be entertained and enlightened.
So bring your Spouse … a Friend … or your Spouse AND a Friend. 🙂

p.s. If you’re not married, you’ll still learn a lot about the opposite sex
… and what you can reasonably expect in a romantic relationship.

Register here, and we’ll see you there!