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The Abdication of Adam July 29, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, sexuality, understanding men.
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Where Are You, Adam?

We know that Eve wasn’t the only one who messed everything up right there in the Garden.

Check out the rest of his story!
[The Abdication of Adam]

Discover Romance November 26, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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Life is filled with Simple Moments that make life special … if you notice them!discover_romance


Men Are Not From Mars! November 2, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, development, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Men Are Not From Mars.
Women Are Not From Venus.

Men Don’t Have Waffle Brains.
And Women’s Brains Are Not Made of Spaghetti.

We’re from the Same Planet!
And we were created by the same All-Wise God.

But we are created to be different. And we have
different life purposes and experiences.

Want to know more? Here it is!

November 7th: Free Talk & Book Signing! October 29, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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free talk book signing

27401 Los Altos, Suite 275, Mission Viejo, California

Join Dr. Debi for this FREE Talk & Booksigning!
You’ll be entertained and enlightened.
So bring your Spouse … a Friend … or your Spouse AND a Friend. 🙂

p.s. If you’re not married, you’ll still learn a lot about the opposite sex
… and what you can reasonably expect in a romantic relationship.

Register here, and we’ll see you there!

Pink Elephants June 1, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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pink_elephant-smAs a Couple’s Psychologist, I read a lot of information about relationships.

One thing that amazes me about most approaches to helping couples is how much attention therapists give to what goes wrong.

Shouldn’t we be focusing on how to make things go right?

It’s like we’re telling people not to think about Pink Elephants, then spending all our time talking about Pink Elephants! In doing so, many well-intentioned counselors actually help couples maintain the self-fulfilling prophecy: We bring about what we think about! I guess it helps some therapists stay in business.

Not me! I’m determined to help men and women recapture the romance they once enjoyed and now long for. All this has inspired me to develop an New 3-day Workshop … one with an upbeat, yet realistic biblical foundation. Watch for it this fall!

Women follow with trust and respect … April 24, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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Fred Judkins, Dr. Debi Smith, and the Dance With Me Team demonstrate Victorian-style dance at Mariners Church in Irvine, CA. Vintage dance is stylish, elegant, easy to learn, fun … and very, very romantic.

Welcome to a Totally New Kind of Couples Workshop!
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ~ Ephesians 5:21

This passage applies to the body of believers in fellowship with one another, so it naturally applies to husbands and wives as well. However, just how husbands and wives are to submit to one another is easily misunderstood in our current culture.

That’s what Dance With Me is all about — learning what submission looks like in the 21st Century. In this workshop couples learn to pay attention to one another’s needs and to be responsive to one another in light of his/her unique design and purpose.

Music by Spare Parts, used by permission, CD “Returning Heroes,” song “La Cachucha, available for purchase @ Spare Parts

In less than 24 hours … April 12, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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Secrets of Attraction? Huh?

You might think this info is for women who want to attract a man. And it is.

But mostly, this information is for those of us who “have” a man … and want to make sure our romance thrives!

Women attract men. That’s no secret.

However, most of us are clueless about what it is that attracts an emotionally and spiritually healthy man … and keeps him interested for a lifetime.

We erroneously believe it’s all about our physical appearance.

In less that 24 hours, I’ll be meeting with women (and men) from across the continent. Won’t you join us?

Prelude to a Dance: Secrets of Attraction
Saturday, April 13, 10:30 am – 12:00 pm

F*r*ee Tele-Conference
US Toll Number: 530-881-1212
Meeting ID: 939-502-393


  1. About 5 minutes before the scheduled date and time, dial into the conference line using the toll number listed above.
  2. When prompted, enter the meeting ID, followed by the pound key.
  3. To join the online meeting, follow the meeting link listed above, then press “Join.”
  4. On the next page, complete your name and email address, then press “Submit.”
  5. The system will guide you through the process to participate in the online meeting.

For easier access* to the call at the scheduled time, you might want to download the optional software in advance > launch wizard to download meeting dashboard.

I look forward to meeting you very soon!

Warmly, Dr. Debi

* For 24/7 technical issues, please contact StartMeeting at (800) 644-9070.

Mistakes We’ve Made April 6, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, research, sexuality, understanding men, understanding women.
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your_brainIf you’re like me, you’ve probably heard some pretty discouraging info about the long-term viability of romance in the past few decades (probably fewer decades that I, depending on your age).

It seems that my predecessors – as well as many of my contemporary colleagues – are pessimists when it comes to romance. And I believe it’s time we learn the truth about the inherent need of man for woman – and the power of it all!

Our Mistakes

Psychology and Christianity have both been telling us that our romance can’t last. That it’s a “trick” of Mother Nature (our biology) designed to facilitate our attraction to one another and to compel us to mate … to perpetuate our species. However, “they” warn us that no one can stay on a romantic “high” forever.

When I was teaching at the university a few years ago, my department chair forwarded a student email message to me. She was looking for a professor who could assist her with some research she was doing about how harmful Hollywood’s romantic movies are to our relationships. Not long ago, my own pastor commented that Hollywood sets up unrealistic expectations for our relationships.

Our expectations are too high? Really, folks?

It seems to me that our expectations are too low! I replied to my department chair that I would be very happy to speak with the student about romantic movies, but that I would not be giving her the response she was seeking. And for the first time, I was tempted to write to my pastor! (Yes, believe it or not, I really am shy, especially about personal confrontation.)

First, I believe all the romantic films (the truly romantic, that is, not the gory, sexually inappropriate stuff) tap into our deepest desire for emotionally intimate connection with another human being. And the reality is, we do that best in the context of traditional marriage.

And although I must admit that I haven’t yet read his book, I believe professional counselor Tim Alan Gardner is right on in his approach:

A couple’s sexual relationship has a far higher purpose than pleasure or procreation. Scripture makes it clear that sex is the one thing on earth that joins two people into one. Now readers can learn how to approach marital sex in a way that brings the fulfillment of true oneness. Sacred Sex shows how they can experience a beautiful, God-ordained life of intimacy that blesses them far beyond the bedroom walls, serves as an act of worship to God, and touches their hearts and souls in ways they never could have imagined. ~ Amazon’s Book Description

Sex without romance is empty. However, the amazing combo of companionship, commitment, romance, and sex make for a truly divine experience! Yay, God!

Reconnect, fan the flames of love, and keep your romance alive and well. It can be done! Ask me how during your FREE phone consultation!

Passion April 2, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in marriage, sexuality.
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love_never_gives_upKeep your relationship alive by daily nurturing your commitment, love, trust, romance, and intimacy.

Eventually, the flame of your passion will fade, but it will not die out if you keep putting fuel on the fire. ~ Penner & Penner, “So You’ve Found the Love of Your Life … “

The Lost Art of Loving a Man March 14, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, sexuality.
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sweet_companionWoman is one of God’s greatest inventions. He created her specifically to meet the relational, emotional, and physical needs of His first greatest invention: man. He designed her in such a way that man was automatically drawn to her in wonder …  she joyously gave herself to him … and both enjoyed rapture everlasting.

Through the music of The Creation, Franz Joseph Haydn* (1732 – 1809) provides this vivid and sensual depiction of Adam and Eve’s first encounter …

Sweet companion, here beside thee
softly fly the golden hours.
Every moment is rapture;
naught of sadness lingers near.

Dearest husband! here beside thee
floods of joy o’erflow my heart.
That thou love me is my blessing;
thine forever is my life.

The dew-freshened morning, O bright awakening!

The coolness of evening, sweetly restoring!

How rich the taste of round and ripened fruit!

How charming the scent of gay and fragrant flower!

Eve, Adam
But without thee, what is to me:
the morning dew?
the evening cool?
the ripened fruit?
the fragrant flower?

With thee is every joy exalted;
with thee, delight is ever new;
with thee is rapture everlasting.
Thine be my love and life.

Through sin and shame, however, the beauty of the male-female relationship became tarnished … convoluted … mixed up and messed up. Instead of rejoicing in our differences, we become afraid of losing ourselves to the other. In fear, we hide. Or we seek to control and change one another to be more like ourselves … as though we were God Himself and, therefore, mindful of the only “right” way of being, which always backfires with serious and detrimental results.

Throughout history, we see examples of the exploitation of God’s creation. We see woman used and abused by man, diminished in importance by his use of her for his pleasure and power. In today’s environment, we also have examples of how man is abused by woman, diminished in importance by her use of him. We don’t call it that, however. Instead, we tend to blame our victim. Man abused? Seriously?

Yes. I do realize that there are clearly documented cases of women being mistreated, but men are also mistreated and abused … and in more ways than we can ever imagine.

Most men (certainly not all) are reasonably healthy, caring people. But they walk and they talk and they act differently than we women do. And that both intrigues and frustrates us. Unfortunately, our response to these differences is to try to make them into women … which defeats the purpose. In short, many of our responses to our men are emasculating … and we don’t even realize we’re doing it!

What we need to do is to reclaim the lost art of loving a man. Here’s how:

  1. Acknowledge that you were created for him, not the other way around. (1 Corinthians 11:9)
  2. Recognize that he has needs. Find out what they are.
  3. Develop the skill of reading your man and loving him in a way that makes him feel loved, trusted, and respected. This will take a lifetime, and can be loads of fun … for both of you!

Finally, when he refers to you as his “sweet companion” (or some other, but equally endearing term), you’ll know you’re on the right track!