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Pink Elephants June 1, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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pink_elephant-smAs a Couple’s Psychologist, I read a lot of information about relationships.

One thing that amazes me about most approaches to helping couples is how much attention therapists give to what goes wrong.

Shouldn’t we be focusing on how to make things go right?

It’s like we’re telling people not to think about Pink Elephants, then spending all our time talking about Pink Elephants! In doing so, many well-intentioned counselors actually help couples maintain the self-fulfilling prophecy: We bring about what we think about! I guess it helps some therapists stay in business.

Not me! I’m determined to help men and women recapture the romance they once enjoyed and now long for. All this has inspired me to develop an New 3-day Workshop … one with an upbeat, yet realistic biblical foundation. Watch for it this fall!

Join the Conversation! May 19, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Dr. Debi SmithWhy Do Men Stonewall?
Wednesday, May 22
12 – 1 pm (PDT)

Women work hard at their relationships. When something’s wrong, it’s the woman who notices it and wants to talk about it – to figure out what’s wrong and fix the problem. However, many men withdraw from such a conversation or simply fail to respond. In this webinar, you’ll learn why men stonewall and what you can do about it.

Free Seminar With Dr. Debi
Click for instructions to connect by phone or web!

… a prelude to your *dance of romance*

Most Women Hurt the Men They Love … May 3, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in dating, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, marriage, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Dr. Debi Smith

Dr. Debi Smith

… when it comes to better understanding the opposite sex, it’s often the case that men feel defeated before they start and women barely see a need to start. ~ G. Morris

All of us learned that men are simple, and women are complicated. However, Dr. Debi blows this theory out of the water with findings from research and practical application. ~ Steph P.

The truth is that men are more complicated than women. They’re more sensitive, too!

But they’re sensitive about different things than women are. And they rarely tell you when you’ve done something hurtful.

Most women hurt the men they love, and never know it.

The only thing they notice is when the man begins to withdraw from the relationship. When they ask the man “What’s wrong?” they usually get the response “Nothing.”

Learn the Truth about Men and Romance in Dr. Debi’s book Dance With Me: a hopeful romantic interprets Ephesians 5. ONLINE NOW

Understanding a Man’s God-Given Purpose April 26, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Prelude to a Dance: Making Sense of Men

Saturday, April 27
10:30 – 11:30 am (PDT)

Men are created with a purpose. To make sense of their behavior, you must understand what’s behind it. Find out for free!

Free Teleconference With Dr. Debi

Make Sense of the Man You Love January 13, 2013

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, classes, dating, development, Dr. Debi Smith, recommended reading, research, sexuality, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Dr. Debi SmithMy goal is to help women understand the men they love. And to help men understand us better … or at least to not get freaked out by our emotions. Do you know what I mean?

Truth be told, women really don’t get guys. We don’t understand how they think, what they feel, or why they do the things they do. With three sons and two grandsons to my credit, as well as a lot of years studying about and working with men and their relationships, I think I’ve got the inside track on that one … but I’m still a girl, which means I don’t always have it right.

Of course, sometimes men have questions about women, too. In fact, there’s a rumor going around that we’re way to complicated to ever understand. Seriously. But there are some simple truths that can help you begin to make sense of what she wants … and how you can win points with her. You want to make the lady smile in your direction, right?

For the past 9 years, I’d been planning to write down what I’ve learned … so you could benefit from it, too. And in November 2012, I finally finished my third book on the Psychology of Men and Relationships.

As a Psychologist and former University Professor, I’ve read tons of books about relationships. Some of them were not the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. And it seems that most books written for non-professionals are filled with … well, in a word … filler. That is, you get most of the info in the first couple of chapters, and after that you get to read redundant repetition. sigh

So my goal was to write something that would be an enjoyable read … something you’d actually want to read … all the way through to the end. And from the feedback I’ve received, I think I accomplished my goal! So I invite your to order your own copy of Dance With Me: a hopeful romantic interprets Ephesians 5; attend Dance With Me: Relationship Workshops for Men, Women, and Couples; or sign up for our FREE SEMINARS!

Enjoy!

Warmly,
Dr. Debi Smith

Newport Beach, California

Have Happier Holidays! December 7, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, Events, Q & A, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Cancel the conflict and make the connection for a Happy Holiday with info you’ll learn from Relationship Expert Dr. Debi Smith!

Prelude to a Dance: Communication, Connection, & Conflict Resolution
FREE 90-Minute Webinar
by Dr. Debi Smith

Sunday, December 16, 2012
6:30 – 8:00 pm

Join Dr. Debi on the Web as she shares inside information about:

  • Communication Problems
  • Communication Styles
  • Communication Strategies
  • Creating Connection
  • Resolving Conflict

Register by clicking the link below. As soon as we get it set up, we’ll send you the login info. And if all goes well, we’ll make the recording available for you, too! How cool is that?

register now!

Communication, Connection, and Conflict Resolution November 14, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Why won’t he talk to me? November 7, 2012

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, dating, Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, recommended reading, research, stonewalling, understanding men, understanding women.
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Learn the Simple Truth About Men
and Intimate Communication

Does the man you love withdraw and refuse to face issues? have problems being open about things? often misunderstand what you’re saying?

Many women believe men are insensitive jerks … don’t have feelings … are only interested in one thing … or just don’t get it.

Even if you’ve tried everything you can think of, there’s still hope! So don’t give up until you’ve practiced the principles in this free book by Dr. Debi Smith!

Download your free copy now!
Available in a variety of formats … even for your Kindle!

The Boy Code May 25, 2011

Posted by occhristiancounseling in recommended reading, stonewalling.
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Real BoysAccording to William Pollack (1998), a boy first learns that he should be a “Sturdy Oak.” Whimpering, crying, complaining, or any sign of weakness is strictly forbidden.

Second, he is encouraged to “Give ‘Em Hell,” which encourages risk-taking behavior characteristic of a macho, invincible, sometimes violent, high-energy superman.

Third, a boy should strive to be the “Big Wheel” by dominating others and refusing to let anyone know that he actually feels like a failure or like life is out of control.

Finally, “No Sissy Stuff” is allowed. This last commandment is what Pollack considers to be “the literal gender straitjacket that prohibits boys from expressing feelings or urges seen (mistakenly) as ‘feminine’—dependence, warmth, empathy” (p. 24).

What if … May 12, 2011

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, stonewalling.
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Here’s a thought: What if there’s a very good reason why men so frequently stonewall?

Stonewalling is perhaps the biggest complaint I hear from women. What’s hard for them to understand is why a man shuts down or withdraws from conversation. They take it personally. They believe he doesn’t care. But, in fact, he shuts down BECAUSE he cares!

What if a man withdraws because he’s protecting his wife and their relationship?

Women make gentle suggestions. Give good advice. Nag. Criticize. Blame. It all sounds the same to him: “There’s something wrong with you!” It’s an attack on his manhood. It emasculates him. And it makes him angry.

So he has two choices: get angry or withdraw. He prefers not to get angry. He loves you. So he shuts down, retreats into his castle, and waits for the storm to pass.

What if women learned better ways to ask for and get what they need from their husbands?