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The Wonder of a Man April 25, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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A Man is creatively designed to lead, and his woman’s trust and respect are essential for him to be able to lead well.

  • He’s bigger and stronger.
  • He excels in her affirmation.
  • He stands taller in her admiration.
  • And he adores her more than words can say.

But He’s actually more sensitive than she is … and to different things than she is. His sensitivity is primary when it comes to her. Which motivates him to protect her. To provide for her. To be willing to die for her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 25-33)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

The Beauty of a Woman April 18, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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A woman is creatively designed to follow, and her man’s love and understanding are essential if she is to follow well. Her skill at following him is incredibly important because …

  • Without her, he’s got no hope for becoming all that he could be.
  • And you can’t be a leader if no one is willing to follow you.

She has so much in common with a man. She’s very much like him, yet so very different. She’s soft and curvy. Smells sweet. Emotionally sensitive. Expressive. She sees things differently than he does. Which makes him wonder how she comes up with stuff.

But that’s how she’s got his back.
As well as how he’s got hers!

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

Made for Each Other April 11, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in attachment, Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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Eve was created for Adam. He didn’t even know he needed anything. But God did. And she was exactly what he needed. Likewise, Adam was exactly what Eve needed. He was her Joy and Bliss. Man and Woman are made for each other. We get to enjoy this Truth as we follow the Holy Spirit.

Why on earth would we want to listen to the enemy? Clearly Adam and Eve were made in the likeness of God … and made for each other. The enemy hated their Image (identity) and their Romance (relationship).

  • He lied to Eve.
  • Wounded Adam.
  • Messed up Romance.

If your life has been anything like mine, the enemy has messed with your Image and your Romance on more than one occasion. So you may find it difficult to embrace the Truth that man and woman are made for each other. But we are! By God Himself, and …

If God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31b)

Let’s talk about it! Send me your questions and comments now. And I’ll send you a personal reply!

Men & Intimate Communication April 9, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, stonewalling, understanding men.
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A lifetime of experience impacts the way a man communicates. But we women often don’t understand a man’s silence. So the Man Cave feels like stonewalling at best – and abandonment at worst. But the Man Cave isn’t stonewalling at all. Unless a woman tries to force her way though. Then she’s got Double Trouble.


Simply knowing that her man is struggling is not enough, because that only serves to trigger a woman’s natural desire to reach out and encourage him … to get him to talk to her … to try to convince him that she is his Safe Haven.

But a lifetime of experience
has taught him otherwise.

Her efforts to connect will feel like an invasion to him … and/or add to his sense of guilt and shame that he hasn’t got a solution. Both of which will result in an immediate increase in his defensiveness – usually by strengthening his wall.

And being shut out makes her more anxious … worried about him … and about herself. It feels like the Beginning of the End to her, and she often doesn’t understand why.

Do you know why men stonewall?

Believe it or not, the initial purpose of the stonewall has nothing to do with hurting you. That’s not the purpose of the Man Cave either. Most women find it helpful to know the difference.

To answer before listening—
    that is folly and shame. (Proverbs 18:13)

Send me your questions and comments now.
And I’ll send you a personal reply!

What challenges are you facing today? January 7, 2016

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, understanding men, understanding women.
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When things go wrong in your relationships, your finances, or some other area of your life, you may be tempted to look at the problem instead of the possibility. If you want things to turn around, there are 3 things you can do to help get back on the Right Track.

Don’t Fight Your Lead November 20, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, Stories, understanding men, understanding women.
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You know I love to dance, right? Well, our wonderful friends on the Memories Swing Team offered to teach me the Lindy Hop. And I finally took them up on it last Monday. What a blast!

Because I’ve already learned to dance many different styles, I just decided to jump into the Intermediate Class. I figured out the count for my footwork (6 or 8), and just followed my lead.

If he was strong and confident, our dance went smoothly.

When I danced with one of the less experienced dancers, it was a bit more of a challenge. But it gave me a chance to encourage and bless … mostly with smiles and laughter.

How cool is that?

Chatting with one of the Team members later, I related my feelings about my first lesson.

His reply? “You’re a good follow because you aren’t afraid to let go of control. You don’t fight your lead.”

That’s a good idea for all of us. Right ladies? A man is expected to take the lead in life, and he’s held responsible for the outcome.

Men need to let go of control as well.
They need to give control to the Lord and learn to follow Him.

Ladies, let’s not distract our men from the Lord’s leadership by trying to take over the dance. Just smile and enjoy, affirming them when they get it right.

Today’s Thought …
Don’t Fight Your Lead.

It makes warfare much harder on the enemy!

… in order that Satan might not outwit us.
For we are not unaware of his schemes. (
2 Corinthians 2:11)

Memories Swing Team

Are you in need of a Paradigm Shift? August 21, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, understanding men, understanding women.
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You were designed to enjoy a Lifelong Love. However, your success in Romance depends on your Paradigm.
A paradigm is a distinct concept or thought pattern.

If you’re not enjoying your mate, it may be a sign that you need to make a Paradigm Shift. That is, what you believe to be true about him or her may be incorrect.

How do you know?

Well, if what you’re doing isn’t bringing joy and peace to you and yours, maybe it’s your paradigm that’s incorrect …

… not your mate.

Now that’s an interesting proposition!

Make the Shift today! Order your copy of Ephesians 5 Romance: the Truth about Love by Dr. Debi Smith

The Abdication of Adam July 29, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, marriage, recommended reading, sexuality, understanding men.
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Where Are You, Adam?

We know that Eve wasn’t the only one who messed everything up right there in the Garden.

Check out the rest of his story!
[The Abdication of Adam]

It’s Your Choice! July 17, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in Dr. Debi Smith, emotions, marriage, recommended reading, research, understanding men, understanding women.
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What’s your point of view today?

Are you struggling to overcome past hurts and regrets?

Or are you joyfully learning to walk in Newness of Life in Christ?

Your point of view means everything!

If you believe you must change your behavior … or your mate’s behavior … in order to enjoy Life and Love, you’ve got it all wrong!

We are not called to live with a focus on what anyone has done in the past. But that’s what we often do! We spin our wheels trying to make up for our sin … or the sins of others. Or getting someone else to make up for it all. How crazy is that?

The Truth is – because of what Jesus did for us on the Cross … He died for our sins that we might be reconclied to God – we get to choose our point of view …

… and that’s Good News!

We get to choose Life in the Spirit, which means we get to learn how to see Men, Women, and Marriage from God’s point of view. Through the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have the choice to co-create a Life that’s Better Than Eden!

How cool is that?

Bottom Line: Living Life in the Spirit means our point of view changes from past-centered to Jesus-centered.

And He always has a more excellent way of looking at things!

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

~ Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

Read more about the Psychology of Men and Romance in my newest book!

Why won’t he listen to me? March 5, 2014

Posted by occhristiancounseling in classes, Dr. Debi Smith, research, stonewalling, understanding men.
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Men and women use language differently, in part because they have different life experiences and different goals in life.

In this Women’s Workshop, you will learn some of the most common mistakes women make when they try to communicate with the men they love … and more effective ways to get your point across.


Saturday, March 22
12:00-3:00 pm

Orange Coast Psych Assoc
27401 Los Altos, Suite 275
Mission Viejo, CA
$20/person payable at the door

R.S.V.P. mail@drdebismith.com or 800.705.6223


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